I have been busy so I haven't had the chance to update for a bit.
Today marks 19 months since a friend, gave birth to and said goodbye to her precious baby girl, Haylz.
I have been blessed at being permitted to see a photo of her.
Haylz was beautiful. her full lips, chubby cheeks, thick black hair. Haylz was pure perfection. And now she is a perfect angel in heaven or wherever it is that souls go.
I don't believe in a God, but I do believe that there is something out there that we as humans can't truly fathom, whether it is a god or goddess, or something else entirely. I choose to call it a goddess personally, with no name and no benevolent or violent nature. Call it nature in its raw form or Mother Earth if you like.
If i had believed in the God that dominates our society I would have stopped believing the day that Haylz passed away. How can any henevolent God take away the life of an innocent baby? How can any God who supposedly loves us destroy that little family, and all the other families who have lost babies, in that way?
And for those who say that God has his reasons, well that is a load of complete bullshit. There is no reason for it.
To lose a child is to spend the rest of yours days in a living hell with constant reminders of everything that you have lost - that first smile, the first time your baby rolls over, crawls, the first steps, first day of school, graduation, seeing that child get married and have children of his or her own. Just seeing pregnant woman and young babies down the street is a bleak reminder of everything you have lost.
My friend was blessed at the beginning of this year with her rainbow baby, a little boy, but her pain is still fresh, and I can only imagine that when she sees all the other babies in our baby buddies group, and hears of what they are up to and learning, that her loss is even more pronounced because Haylz should be here doing all the things that Elise and the other toddlers are doing.
I can't continue any further as I am too upset.
Until next time,
Jen - xoxo
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