I have been "diagnosed" with PND. I should be happy to finally have a diagnosis, but instead it makes it worse. I am more angry, more upset and more frustrated than I was before.
I keep thinking "Why wasn't this picked up earlier? How the heck can a doctor say I was borderline for PND in November while the counselor I'm seeing tells me that I have had it since my son was born in December 2008?
How the heck does this happen? I am angry with the doctor, frustrated with my counselor for pushing me to take antidepressants, and upset because now it's official, I have Post Natal Depression.
I'm over it.
I need a break.
A holiday... without kids, without the hubby. Just some time for me and only me, where I can relax and not have to worry about the kids, or listen to them scream, yell, cry, or watch them hit each other - with fists or toys - where I don't have to change and wash nappies all day every day, or give them food/breastfeed constantly. A holiday where I am alone and no one is relying on me.
That would be the ideal, but it won't happen. In just under 2 months I will be flying up to Queensland with all 3 kids and leaving hubby at home for a whole month.
Hubby owes me big time for this!
That is all.
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
Friday, 8 March 2013
Bad Luck Is Following Us...
Again I have been slack in my blogging, I just really haven't had the mental energy to do it.
Bad luck has been our companion lately, first Matt got a thigh length blood clot in his leg the day after he had his surgery to have his gallbladder removed and was readmitted to hospital for the rest of that day, then released with home visits from the nurses for treatment with clexane injections.
After 2 weeks the clexane hadn't worked so he was put on warfarin as well.
He has been off work for over a month now, and we are really starting to struggle financially.
It is starting to clear up now but it gave us all a huge scare.
On sunday he starts back at work again which is a huge relief.
During this time I also had the mother of all migraines and had to go to hospital where they suspected that I had meningitis, luckily I didn't, but I did find out that I have had a chronic sinus infection since Christmas Eve 2012 when the migraines started. Since being treated with antibiotics my migraines have gone and I now only have occasional headaches, which is so much better than it was before.
Last week Emily also got sick again with conjunctivitis and the flu and needed antibiotic ointment for the conjunctivitis but she had a reaction to it, it made her eyes all puffy and red, so we had to stop it, and on Tuesday just gone we went to get her immunisations done as she is overdue for them but we couldn't as she had a non asthma wheeze and congestion in her lungs and was put on antibiotics again - this time a different type - my poor baby hasn't have much luck healthwise this year :( The congestion and wheeze in her lungs are now gone and she will be getting her immunisations next Tuesday as long as nothing else comes up between now and then.
And the other day not only did my glasses break, but the front windscreen of my car cracked as well!
So things haven't been very good, hopefully they get better now, it would be nice as I've had to put off my final 2 lessons with the driving instructor, I was hoping to be preparing to get my P plates by the end of next week but now it won't happen until early next month and I have to see a client at the end of April (we met for the first time on February 25th), so I really need to have them by then.
The only really good thing to happen is that I now have my own ABN and can run my hobby and work as a Doula and run both things as real businesses, which is great!
The other thing we have done recently is help out a mate who was homeless and had been living on the streets, sleeping on park benches and concrete footpaths, for almost a month with hardly any food, so we took him in for a couple of days, fed him, gave him some clean clothes and washed his clothes, let him use our shower and then helped him find a place to stay. He was so grateful and it was so nice to see a smile on his face again even though he was crying (tears of joy). He is now living in a caravan park and can see his partner and kids again which is wonderful for them all.
Anyway, that is all for now.
Until next time, Jen.
Bad luck has been our companion lately, first Matt got a thigh length blood clot in his leg the day after he had his surgery to have his gallbladder removed and was readmitted to hospital for the rest of that day, then released with home visits from the nurses for treatment with clexane injections.
After 2 weeks the clexane hadn't worked so he was put on warfarin as well.
He has been off work for over a month now, and we are really starting to struggle financially.
It is starting to clear up now but it gave us all a huge scare.
On sunday he starts back at work again which is a huge relief.
During this time I also had the mother of all migraines and had to go to hospital where they suspected that I had meningitis, luckily I didn't, but I did find out that I have had a chronic sinus infection since Christmas Eve 2012 when the migraines started. Since being treated with antibiotics my migraines have gone and I now only have occasional headaches, which is so much better than it was before.
Last week Emily also got sick again with conjunctivitis and the flu and needed antibiotic ointment for the conjunctivitis but she had a reaction to it, it made her eyes all puffy and red, so we had to stop it, and on Tuesday just gone we went to get her immunisations done as she is overdue for them but we couldn't as she had a non asthma wheeze and congestion in her lungs and was put on antibiotics again - this time a different type - my poor baby hasn't have much luck healthwise this year :( The congestion and wheeze in her lungs are now gone and she will be getting her immunisations next Tuesday as long as nothing else comes up between now and then.
And the other day not only did my glasses break, but the front windscreen of my car cracked as well!
So things haven't been very good, hopefully they get better now, it would be nice as I've had to put off my final 2 lessons with the driving instructor, I was hoping to be preparing to get my P plates by the end of next week but now it won't happen until early next month and I have to see a client at the end of April (we met for the first time on February 25th), so I really need to have them by then.
The only really good thing to happen is that I now have my own ABN and can run my hobby and work as a Doula and run both things as real businesses, which is great!
The other thing we have done recently is help out a mate who was homeless and had been living on the streets, sleeping on park benches and concrete footpaths, for almost a month with hardly any food, so we took him in for a couple of days, fed him, gave him some clean clothes and washed his clothes, let him use our shower and then helped him find a place to stay. He was so grateful and it was so nice to see a smile on his face again even though he was crying (tears of joy). He is now living in a caravan park and can see his partner and kids again which is wonderful for them all.
Anyway, that is all for now.
Until next time, Jen.
Sunday, 27 January 2013
A New Year, A New Me
One of my new years resolutions was to get back into healthy eating and lose weight again.
While I was pregnant with Elise I lost 16kg, I believe it was because of the Gestational Diabete's that I had combined with Hyperremesis Gravidarum (severe all day sickness) and the cravings that I had for veggies, salads, chicken, goat, rabbit and fish. In the 6.5 months post birth, prior to becoming pregnant with Em, I lost another 16kg, and was 10kg off my goal weight 72kg.
Since Em was born however I have put on at least 15kg, and I feel it too. I have gone up a dress size (I was a 14 in tops and 16 in pants prior to becoming pregnant with Em, now I'm an 18 in both!), and I feel yuck, fat and just plain blegh all the time.
Today is day 3 of my healthy eating project, consisting of Porridge with honey and fresh blueberries for breakfast, either a shake or celery with peanut butter for lunch and either a healthy shake or meat and veggies/stirfry etc for dinner (I only have one healthy shake a day), with an apple, a banana, blueberries and a fruit, nut and seed mix as snacks.
So far it's going well, I'm mixing the snacks up each day (thankfully I really like them all anyway) so I don't get bored, portioning what I eat and eating slowly so I fill up quicker and don't overeat.
My goal is to get back down to 80kg, and then my next goal is to get down to my original goal of 72kg. I'm not sure how much I weigh currently but I'm guessing it's around 98-99kg, which is not where I want to be.
Now don't get me wrong, but some of my weight is muscle, and I do pride myself on having strong leg muscles, they are larger than I'd like too, but they aren't toned so that will be another thing to work on once we get the Wii set up again and start using Wii Fit like we used to after Elise was born.
I am going to try and get Matt back into losing weight as well, as he has put back on all the weight he lost before we got married and is now very very overweight. He will be having surgery next week to have his gallbladder removed as well, so once he is recovered he will need to do something about his weight.
I think that is it for now, I will update when I get around to weighing myself (we don't have scales at home, so it will have to be whenever I can get myself into our local Tony Ferguson Weightloss Center, I haven't been there since early December so it will be interesting to see if my healthy eating has helped when I do eventually go back.
Bye for now.
Jen.
While I was pregnant with Elise I lost 16kg, I believe it was because of the Gestational Diabete's that I had combined with Hyperremesis Gravidarum (severe all day sickness) and the cravings that I had for veggies, salads, chicken, goat, rabbit and fish. In the 6.5 months post birth, prior to becoming pregnant with Em, I lost another 16kg, and was 10kg off my goal weight 72kg.
Since Em was born however I have put on at least 15kg, and I feel it too. I have gone up a dress size (I was a 14 in tops and 16 in pants prior to becoming pregnant with Em, now I'm an 18 in both!), and I feel yuck, fat and just plain blegh all the time.
Today is day 3 of my healthy eating project, consisting of Porridge with honey and fresh blueberries for breakfast, either a shake or celery with peanut butter for lunch and either a healthy shake or meat and veggies/stirfry etc for dinner (I only have one healthy shake a day), with an apple, a banana, blueberries and a fruit, nut and seed mix as snacks.
So far it's going well, I'm mixing the snacks up each day (thankfully I really like them all anyway) so I don't get bored, portioning what I eat and eating slowly so I fill up quicker and don't overeat.
My goal is to get back down to 80kg, and then my next goal is to get down to my original goal of 72kg. I'm not sure how much I weigh currently but I'm guessing it's around 98-99kg, which is not where I want to be.
Now don't get me wrong, but some of my weight is muscle, and I do pride myself on having strong leg muscles, they are larger than I'd like too, but they aren't toned so that will be another thing to work on once we get the Wii set up again and start using Wii Fit like we used to after Elise was born.
I am going to try and get Matt back into losing weight as well, as he has put back on all the weight he lost before we got married and is now very very overweight. He will be having surgery next week to have his gallbladder removed as well, so once he is recovered he will need to do something about his weight.
I think that is it for now, I will update when I get around to weighing myself (we don't have scales at home, so it will have to be whenever I can get myself into our local Tony Ferguson Weightloss Center, I haven't been there since early December so it will be interesting to see if my healthy eating has helped when I do eventually go back.
Bye for now.
Jen.
Thursday, 10 January 2013
Em has been in hospital...
I haven't updated for a while, there just hasn't been anything to write about until now.
As the title says Miss Em is in hospital, she was admitted on wednesdat night with suspected gastro, a fever and dehydration with a lot of tummy pain. its friday now and she isn't feeding much either.
Yesterday she lost 50 grams in weight in just under 12 hours, and last night he paediatrician said that if she wasn"t picking uptoday and gaining weight again they would be inserting a nasogastric tube to feed her.
I am also having to express allfeeds for her to have bottles now instead of breastfeeding so that they can see how much she is taking in, and its scaring me because normally in rhe morning she would have at least 300ml (I can express approx 150ml from each breast first thing in the morning) and today all she has had so far is 175ml.
At least the fever has gone down now so that is a good thing, and she hasn't had any diarrhea yet today either.
And now we are going home with instructions to treat her for oral thrush (which came up yesterday morning) and that if she gets worse again or starts to have bad diarrhea again we are to bring her back in.
Well thats it for now, have to get ready to go home.
Jen.
Saturday, 15 December 2012
I've Been Slacking Off With The Blog Again...
A month without blogging! I have been slack :(
I'll recap now, not much has been happening, Miss Em has learned how to roll from back to tummy, but gets stuck on her tummy and can't figure out how to get back over lol
She is also giggling and laughing at random things now, she loves her big brother and sister and laughs at them both on a regular basis.
Matt has discovered that he has bad gallstones as well and will be seeing the surgeon in January in preparation for surgery to have his gallbladder removed.
Master J is his usual hyperactive crazy self, he will be turning 4 in 7 days! I can't believe how quickly the past 4 years have gone by, I miss the little baby he used to be, and now he's growing up so fast and turning into a real little man :'( makes me want to cry that my baby boy is growing up so quickly.
Princess E is turning into a Prissy Girl, she doesn't like being told "No" or being told off and if it happens her bottom lip goes out, starts wobbling and she bursts into tears. She loves her Pink Butterfly Sequin sandles, and her pretty dresses, though she still likes to play with Master J's Chuggington trains and Hot Wheels cars lol
As for me, I ended up getting an infection behind my belly button incision almost 2 weeks ago and was on antibiotics (It was sooo painful! And red and hot to touch, I felt so horrid and sick), and now I have Pharyngitis (a throat infection) with a nasty cough after having this cold (yes a cold in SUMMER of all seasons) for the past 5 weeks.
Not much else has been happening, we are managing to stay comfortable financially this year, the first time in quite a while that we haven't had to worry about our finances around Christmas (the last few years we have had to ask for help the the St Vincent De Paul Society in the form of food vouchers just to get us over the Christmas/New Year period while hubby wasn't working.
I can't thank the St Vinnies Charity and it's volunteers enough for the help they have given us over the past few years, they are amazing and do so much for people who really need the help. I regularly shop at our local St Vinnies Op Shop and donate many of our old clothes and household items that while still in good condition we just don't need anymore (all my size 20 clothes for example were recently sent to St Vinnies as I am currently a size 16-18 - I am hoping to get down to a size 14 soonish though lol).
In regards to my weightloss journey, the first 2 weeks after my gallbladder was removed I only put on the 100g (I know I've put this in a previous blog entry but here it is again - prior to surgery I was putting on 1.5kg a fortnight on average), and since then I haven't gained any weight at all (and that is with eating some bad things every couple of days lol including a whole pack of caramel TimTams and half a pack of Lamingtons!) and have even lost 1cm off my waist! I get weighed again on monday, so hopefully I will have lost a bit of weight this fortnight (and another 1cm off my waist, it's certainly looking a bit smaller, I can't see it past my boobs unless I lean forwards slightly now! lol).
Anyway, it is currently 12:35am and I need to get some sleep as I was up until 5am yesterday morning with insomnia and only got 3.5 hours sleep.
Night all!
Jen - xoxo
I'll recap now, not much has been happening, Miss Em has learned how to roll from back to tummy, but gets stuck on her tummy and can't figure out how to get back over lol
She is also giggling and laughing at random things now, she loves her big brother and sister and laughs at them both on a regular basis.
Matt has discovered that he has bad gallstones as well and will be seeing the surgeon in January in preparation for surgery to have his gallbladder removed.
Master J is his usual hyperactive crazy self, he will be turning 4 in 7 days! I can't believe how quickly the past 4 years have gone by, I miss the little baby he used to be, and now he's growing up so fast and turning into a real little man :'( makes me want to cry that my baby boy is growing up so quickly.
Princess E is turning into a Prissy Girl, she doesn't like being told "No" or being told off and if it happens her bottom lip goes out, starts wobbling and she bursts into tears. She loves her Pink Butterfly Sequin sandles, and her pretty dresses, though she still likes to play with Master J's Chuggington trains and Hot Wheels cars lol
As for me, I ended up getting an infection behind my belly button incision almost 2 weeks ago and was on antibiotics (It was sooo painful! And red and hot to touch, I felt so horrid and sick), and now I have Pharyngitis (a throat infection) with a nasty cough after having this cold (yes a cold in SUMMER of all seasons) for the past 5 weeks.
Not much else has been happening, we are managing to stay comfortable financially this year, the first time in quite a while that we haven't had to worry about our finances around Christmas (the last few years we have had to ask for help the the St Vincent De Paul Society in the form of food vouchers just to get us over the Christmas/New Year period while hubby wasn't working.
I can't thank the St Vinnies Charity and it's volunteers enough for the help they have given us over the past few years, they are amazing and do so much for people who really need the help. I regularly shop at our local St Vinnies Op Shop and donate many of our old clothes and household items that while still in good condition we just don't need anymore (all my size 20 clothes for example were recently sent to St Vinnies as I am currently a size 16-18 - I am hoping to get down to a size 14 soonish though lol).
In regards to my weightloss journey, the first 2 weeks after my gallbladder was removed I only put on the 100g (I know I've put this in a previous blog entry but here it is again - prior to surgery I was putting on 1.5kg a fortnight on average), and since then I haven't gained any weight at all (and that is with eating some bad things every couple of days lol including a whole pack of caramel TimTams and half a pack of Lamingtons!) and have even lost 1cm off my waist! I get weighed again on monday, so hopefully I will have lost a bit of weight this fortnight (and another 1cm off my waist, it's certainly looking a bit smaller, I can't see it past my boobs unless I lean forwards slightly now! lol).
Anyway, it is currently 12:35am and I need to get some sleep as I was up until 5am yesterday morning with insomnia and only got 3.5 hours sleep.
Night all!
Jen - xoxo
Sunday, 11 November 2012
Update
I haven't updated in a while as things have been busy so I'll do a quick recap.
Mattt went on the Barry Sheen run to Phillip Island and the moto GP last month and had a blast. It was hard being on my own with all 3 kids and I was really stressed out while he was gone, so much do that I had a gallstone attack the night before he got home and was in hospital for around 6 hours.
After he got back I had an ultrasound which showed 3 visible gallstones measuring 1cm to 1.25cm in size, and my GP told ke it wasnt bad enough to fo anything yet and to just keep going as normal. I had another 5 gallstone attacks in the space of 8 days,after that first one, the last attack was in the early hours of the morning last tuesday, only 6 days ago, and even morphine didn't take the pain away so I went in for emergency surgery at 1:30pm on tuesday afternoon.
I wasn't able to express or feed Emily for over 24 hours so my supply has suffered and I am slowly trying to build it back up.
So today I am 6 days post surgery and still in pain, I can't relax or take it easy like I am supposed to because Matt has to work and I have to look after the kids.
My family isn't helping at all, my Mother-in-Law took the kids for a few days for hich i am extremely grateful, but my side of the family couldnt really care less except my mum, dad and aunt who are all busy with work and can't get down here to help.
My stepmum hasnt even bothered to calk up and ask how I am goung or visit, I'm ready to write off most of my family right now.
Anyway that is all for now.
Jen.
Mattt went on the Barry Sheen run to Phillip Island and the moto GP last month and had a blast. It was hard being on my own with all 3 kids and I was really stressed out while he was gone, so much do that I had a gallstone attack the night before he got home and was in hospital for around 6 hours.
After he got back I had an ultrasound which showed 3 visible gallstones measuring 1cm to 1.25cm in size, and my GP told ke it wasnt bad enough to fo anything yet and to just keep going as normal. I had another 5 gallstone attacks in the space of 8 days,after that first one, the last attack was in the early hours of the morning last tuesday, only 6 days ago, and even morphine didn't take the pain away so I went in for emergency surgery at 1:30pm on tuesday afternoon.
I wasn't able to express or feed Emily for over 24 hours so my supply has suffered and I am slowly trying to build it back up.
So today I am 6 days post surgery and still in pain, I can't relax or take it easy like I am supposed to because Matt has to work and I have to look after the kids.
My family isn't helping at all, my Mother-in-Law took the kids for a few days for hich i am extremely grateful, but my side of the family couldnt really care less except my mum, dad and aunt who are all busy with work and can't get down here to help.
My stepmum hasnt even bothered to calk up and ask how I am goung or visit, I'm ready to write off most of my family right now.
Anyway that is all for now.
Jen.
Saturday, 20 October 2012
A Mothers Pain
I have been busy so I haven't had the chance to update for a bit.
Today marks 19 months since a friend, gave birth to and said goodbye to her precious baby girl, Haylz.
I have been blessed at being permitted to see a photo of her.
Haylz was beautiful. her full lips, chubby cheeks, thick black hair. Haylz was pure perfection. And now she is a perfect angel in heaven or wherever it is that souls go.
I don't believe in a God, but I do believe that there is something out there that we as humans can't truly fathom, whether it is a god or goddess, or something else entirely. I choose to call it a goddess personally, with no name and no benevolent or violent nature. Call it nature in its raw form or Mother Earth if you like.
If i had believed in the God that dominates our society I would have stopped believing the day that Haylz passed away. How can any henevolent God take away the life of an innocent baby? How can any God who supposedly loves us destroy that little family, and all the other families who have lost babies, in that way?
And for those who say that God has his reasons, well that is a load of complete bullshit. There is no reason for it.
To lose a child is to spend the rest of yours days in a living hell with constant reminders of everything that you have lost - that first smile, the first time your baby rolls over, crawls, the first steps, first day of school, graduation, seeing that child get married and have children of his or her own. Just seeing pregnant woman and young babies down the street is a bleak reminder of everything you have lost.
My friend was blessed at the beginning of this year with her rainbow baby, a little boy, but her pain is still fresh, and I can only imagine that when she sees all the other babies in our baby buddies group, and hears of what they are up to and learning, that her loss is even more pronounced because Haylz should be here doing all the things that Elise and the other toddlers are doing.
I can't continue any further as I am too upset.
Until next time,
Jen - xoxo
Today marks 19 months since a friend, gave birth to and said goodbye to her precious baby girl, Haylz.
I have been blessed at being permitted to see a photo of her.
Haylz was beautiful. her full lips, chubby cheeks, thick black hair. Haylz was pure perfection. And now she is a perfect angel in heaven or wherever it is that souls go.
I don't believe in a God, but I do believe that there is something out there that we as humans can't truly fathom, whether it is a god or goddess, or something else entirely. I choose to call it a goddess personally, with no name and no benevolent or violent nature. Call it nature in its raw form or Mother Earth if you like.
If i had believed in the God that dominates our society I would have stopped believing the day that Haylz passed away. How can any henevolent God take away the life of an innocent baby? How can any God who supposedly loves us destroy that little family, and all the other families who have lost babies, in that way?
And for those who say that God has his reasons, well that is a load of complete bullshit. There is no reason for it.
To lose a child is to spend the rest of yours days in a living hell with constant reminders of everything that you have lost - that first smile, the first time your baby rolls over, crawls, the first steps, first day of school, graduation, seeing that child get married and have children of his or her own. Just seeing pregnant woman and young babies down the street is a bleak reminder of everything you have lost.
My friend was blessed at the beginning of this year with her rainbow baby, a little boy, but her pain is still fresh, and I can only imagine that when she sees all the other babies in our baby buddies group, and hears of what they are up to and learning, that her loss is even more pronounced because Haylz should be here doing all the things that Elise and the other toddlers are doing.
I can't continue any further as I am too upset.
Until next time,
Jen - xoxo
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