I have been busy so I haven't had the chance to update for a bit.
Today marks 19 months since a friend, gave birth to and said goodbye to her precious baby girl, Haylz.
I have been blessed at being permitted to see a photo of her.
Haylz was beautiful. her full lips, chubby cheeks, thick black hair. Haylz was pure perfection. And now she is a perfect angel in heaven or wherever it is that souls go.
I don't believe in a God, but I do believe that there is something out there that we as humans can't truly fathom, whether it is a god or goddess, or something else entirely. I choose to call it a goddess personally, with no name and no benevolent or violent nature. Call it nature in its raw form or Mother Earth if you like.
If i had believed in the God that dominates our society I would have stopped believing the day that Haylz passed away. How can any henevolent God take away the life of an innocent baby? How can any God who supposedly loves us destroy that little family, and all the other families who have lost babies, in that way?
And for those who say that God has his reasons, well that is a load of complete bullshit. There is no reason for it.
To lose a child is to spend the rest of yours days in a living hell with constant reminders of everything that you have lost - that first smile, the first time your baby rolls over, crawls, the first steps, first day of school, graduation, seeing that child get married and have children of his or her own. Just seeing pregnant woman and young babies down the street is a bleak reminder of everything you have lost.
My friend was blessed at the beginning of this year with her rainbow baby, a little boy, but her pain is still fresh, and I can only imagine that when she sees all the other babies in our baby buddies group, and hears of what they are up to and learning, that her loss is even more pronounced because Haylz should be here doing all the things that Elise and the other toddlers are doing.
I can't continue any further as I am too upset.
Until next time,
Jen - xoxo
Saturday, 20 October 2012
Thursday, 4 October 2012
News
It has been a,few,days or so since my last blog entry, and a few things have happened.
First my Oma (maternal grandmother) had a fall and broke her hip, she was stuck on the floor for 2 days before my aunt found her. Shes 88 years old, a heavy smoker and lives on her own, so she's done well to get this far without something serious like this happening. She gave us all a huge scare, we didnt think she would make it through the surgery to pin her hip back together, we are very glad that she did.
Her only visitors so far have been my uncle and us, she's getting a bit lonely in hospital on her own.
To say she looks like hell is an understatement.
Because of this my mum is coming down from QLD to help out, so she will finally be able to meet Emily for the first time. She is driving down and arrives tonight but we won't see her until tomorrow.
In other news Emily had to have some blood tests done yesterday to check her Vitamin D levels, lipids and thyroid because when I was pregnant with her my vitamin D levels were dangerously low but no one told me until after she was born.
Today she saw the paediatrician and we got the results, the good news is that she won't have to see the paediatrician again but the bad news is that her vitamin D levels are only 45 and the minimum of the healthy range is 50 so she has to stay on Pentavite (a childrens multivitamin that is highin Vitamin D) until she is 12 months old.
Tomorrow i am meeting my bestie in Traralgon and we will be going shopping for dresses for the girls to wear this summer, which after the heat we had today (30 degrees celcius) summer is going to be really hot!
That's all for now, until next time,
Jen - xoxo
First my Oma (maternal grandmother) had a fall and broke her hip, she was stuck on the floor for 2 days before my aunt found her. Shes 88 years old, a heavy smoker and lives on her own, so she's done well to get this far without something serious like this happening. She gave us all a huge scare, we didnt think she would make it through the surgery to pin her hip back together, we are very glad that she did.
Her only visitors so far have been my uncle and us, she's getting a bit lonely in hospital on her own.
To say she looks like hell is an understatement.
Because of this my mum is coming down from QLD to help out, so she will finally be able to meet Emily for the first time. She is driving down and arrives tonight but we won't see her until tomorrow.
In other news Emily had to have some blood tests done yesterday to check her Vitamin D levels, lipids and thyroid because when I was pregnant with her my vitamin D levels were dangerously low but no one told me until after she was born.
Today she saw the paediatrician and we got the results, the good news is that she won't have to see the paediatrician again but the bad news is that her vitamin D levels are only 45 and the minimum of the healthy range is 50 so she has to stay on Pentavite (a childrens multivitamin that is highin Vitamin D) until she is 12 months old.
Tomorrow i am meeting my bestie in Traralgon and we will be going shopping for dresses for the girls to wear this summer, which after the heat we had today (30 degrees celcius) summer is going to be really hot!
That's all for now, until next time,
Jen - xoxo
Friday, 28 September 2012
I've Come So Far Already
A few weeks ago when I started writing this blog I was in a very dark place. Looking back I can't help but compare it to the way I felt as a teenager when I was teased and felt isolated and alone even among friends, the way I always felt after each loss, the way I felt while I was pregnant with Elise, and it was the most like the way I felt when I was in the deep dark place after losing Tomas.
So even though I'm feeling a lot better emotionally I'm still left with the question "When will I get over this pain of never having another baby?" I really need to know! How long will it take for me to be able to look at a pregnant woman without feeling this horrible jealousy, this pain, anger and frustration?
I don't know why I'm still feeling like that, I hate feeling like this. I want to be normal again.
Back to other news, I have a new phone so I will be able to post some pics in future blog entries.
My driving is still going well, I've made a few errors but it's all part of learning and I haven't crashed the car yet or hit anyone so that's a good thing!
Wednesday next week I will be driving us up to Matt's parents place in Seaspray for an overnight visit to the beach since Thursday is supposed to be really nice and warm. Hope the weather forecast stays the same and doesn't change to "cold with rain", I've had enough of cold and rain after todays weather.
That's it for now. Until next time,
Jenna - xoxo
So even though I'm feeling a lot better emotionally I'm still left with the question "When will I get over this pain of never having another baby?" I really need to know! How long will it take for me to be able to look at a pregnant woman without feeling this horrible jealousy, this pain, anger and frustration?
I don't know why I'm still feeling like that, I hate feeling like this. I want to be normal again.
Back to other news, I have a new phone so I will be able to post some pics in future blog entries.
My driving is still going well, I've made a few errors but it's all part of learning and I haven't crashed the car yet or hit anyone so that's a good thing!
Wednesday next week I will be driving us up to Matt's parents place in Seaspray for an overnight visit to the beach since Thursday is supposed to be really nice and warm. Hope the weather forecast stays the same and doesn't change to "cold with rain", I've had enough of cold and rain after todays weather.
That's it for now. Until next time,
Jenna - xoxo
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
On A High
Today I am on a bit of a high, I managed to get some things done that I've been wanting to do for a bit.
I managed to get most of the rodent cages cleaned out.
The veggie patch has been dug over and I purchased seedlings yesterday which I planted in it today - Tomatoes, Zucchini, Cucumber, Peas, Carrots, Celery, Spinach and Lettuce. Soon I will plant the seeds that I have (peas, tomatoes and lettuce) into trays to try and grow them too. I still have to buy some leaks, broccoli and cauliflower to plant as well, and I might get some spring onions and a few other things next fortnight if I can find things that I like.
I also started tidying up my study today and packing things that I don't need right now away.
Tomorrow Jaycen has a morning session at daycare so I will be catching up on the dishes and hopefully do some more tidying in my study.
My driving has been going well too, although there are still many things I need to work on (not cutting people off by accident is the main thing) and just as many things still to learn (reverse and parallel parking for example), but I am finally at the point where I am really looking forward to going driving, and to being able to drive on my own without Matt in the car. We have talked about the car as well, Matt would like to get a twin-cab ute at some point, and I would like to have a smaller car (we currently have a station wagon, which while great for travelling distances with the kids and the dog I have a lot of trouble judging the length of the car and the distance between the back and front of the car and things around us while driving) so there are a lot of things to think about for my driving future.
On Thursday I am hoping that my best friend Janelle will come to visit, it is supposed to be 27 degrees C, a beautiful spring day! So we have plans to spend the day outside beading while Matt plays with the kids and does some painting with them. And I am hoping Janelle will join me on Saturday for the local Rodent Fanciers Picnic. I am taking one of my girl rats and her babies along, and might take some of the baby mice as well since some of them will be available for sale in a few weeks. Apparently one of the Melbourne rat breeders is coming down to visit all of us Gippsland rodent lovers, it will be interesting to have a chat with her and learn more about her breeding methods. I would love to bring some new rats home with me, but I am not allowed to as I am in the process of reducing my numbers while working on the health of my lines and producing younger rats to breed from in future.
On Sunday it will be the NRL Grand Final, and the Rugby team that we support, the Melbourne Storm, is playing, so Matt has set up the shed and connected the set-top box and aerial to the projector so that we (us and some of our friends) can watch it live on the 7ft projector screen with the wood fire going if it gets cold.
I am looking forward to it, and I really hope that Storm wins since we lost our place in the Grand Final last year due to a salary cap scandal within the NRL (Storm were used as the scapegoat even though every other club was doing it too, some worse than Storm). So we will be kept busy getting ready for it.
Emily is asleep in the bouncer at the moment, so I am catching up on watching episode 4 of "Call The Midwife" which I missed on Sunday.
Until next time,
Jenna - xoxo
I managed to get most of the rodent cages cleaned out.
The veggie patch has been dug over and I purchased seedlings yesterday which I planted in it today - Tomatoes, Zucchini, Cucumber, Peas, Carrots, Celery, Spinach and Lettuce. Soon I will plant the seeds that I have (peas, tomatoes and lettuce) into trays to try and grow them too. I still have to buy some leaks, broccoli and cauliflower to plant as well, and I might get some spring onions and a few other things next fortnight if I can find things that I like.
I also started tidying up my study today and packing things that I don't need right now away.
Tomorrow Jaycen has a morning session at daycare so I will be catching up on the dishes and hopefully do some more tidying in my study.
My driving has been going well too, although there are still many things I need to work on (not cutting people off by accident is the main thing) and just as many things still to learn (reverse and parallel parking for example), but I am finally at the point where I am really looking forward to going driving, and to being able to drive on my own without Matt in the car. We have talked about the car as well, Matt would like to get a twin-cab ute at some point, and I would like to have a smaller car (we currently have a station wagon, which while great for travelling distances with the kids and the dog I have a lot of trouble judging the length of the car and the distance between the back and front of the car and things around us while driving) so there are a lot of things to think about for my driving future.
On Thursday I am hoping that my best friend Janelle will come to visit, it is supposed to be 27 degrees C, a beautiful spring day! So we have plans to spend the day outside beading while Matt plays with the kids and does some painting with them. And I am hoping Janelle will join me on Saturday for the local Rodent Fanciers Picnic. I am taking one of my girl rats and her babies along, and might take some of the baby mice as well since some of them will be available for sale in a few weeks. Apparently one of the Melbourne rat breeders is coming down to visit all of us Gippsland rodent lovers, it will be interesting to have a chat with her and learn more about her breeding methods. I would love to bring some new rats home with me, but I am not allowed to as I am in the process of reducing my numbers while working on the health of my lines and producing younger rats to breed from in future.
On Sunday it will be the NRL Grand Final, and the Rugby team that we support, the Melbourne Storm, is playing, so Matt has set up the shed and connected the set-top box and aerial to the projector so that we (us and some of our friends) can watch it live on the 7ft projector screen with the wood fire going if it gets cold.
I am looking forward to it, and I really hope that Storm wins since we lost our place in the Grand Final last year due to a salary cap scandal within the NRL (Storm were used as the scapegoat even though every other club was doing it too, some worse than Storm). So we will be kept busy getting ready for it.
Emily is asleep in the bouncer at the moment, so I am catching up on watching episode 4 of "Call The Midwife" which I missed on Sunday.
Until next time,
Jenna - xoxo
Sunday, 23 September 2012
Driving Lessons + Elise walking and new words
Not much to report really, I did go driving again the other day, just to the shops and back again.
I went driving yesterday too, and again today.
I now have 7 hours and 14 minutes of driving experience, only another 112 hours and 46 minutes left until I will feel comfortable going for my Probationary License, so my goal of getting it by this time next year is well within reach, though Matt is hoping I get it earlier, say by February next year. We shall see.
Other news is that Elise is finally walking everywhere on her own instead of walking while holding onto furniture and the walls. She really started doing it 3 days ago just by walking in circles around the lounge room, and now she is confident enough to walk everywhere but can only walk for short stretches before she needs to have a rest.
She has also learned 2 new words - Cool and Uh-Oh, she is having some trouble pronouncing them properly and getting the right pitch but considering she will be 18 months old on the 30th and was only saying "Mum-mum", "Dad-dad", "Nan-nan", "Bub-bub", "Bot-Bot" and "Pretty" before now it is about time she learnt a new word.
Me, I am feeling a bit better emotionally today, although I am very tired and just want to sleep a lot which I can't do right now. I did manage to have a mostly undisturbed shower this morning by putting the bouncer in the bathroom and having Emily in it where she could see me and putting a "My Little Pony" DVD on for Jaycen and Elise.
Jaycen is in love with My Little Pony at the moment, although I am getting tired of hearing "I want the ponies on again! turn the ponies on again!" every time the DVD finishes, that and the DVD gets extremely boring after 100 repetitions lol
I have purchased 9 new My Little Pony DVDs off eBay, so hopefully they will arrive this coming week and we can watch something new. I am revisiting my childhood with 5 of these DVDs, 4 of which are the original My Little Pony Tales episodes in DVD form (from the 1990's), 4 are the generation 3-3.5 style DVDs (2000's) and 1 is the original movie. I hope the kids like them as much as they like the current "Twinkle Wish Adventure" DVD.
Well that is it for now, I have to go and start getting some things ready for dinner tonight - Squid Tubes stuffed with CousCous with a Chilli-Lime yoghurt dressing, Yummo!
Until next time,
Jen - xoxo
I went driving yesterday too, and again today.
I now have 7 hours and 14 minutes of driving experience, only another 112 hours and 46 minutes left until I will feel comfortable going for my Probationary License, so my goal of getting it by this time next year is well within reach, though Matt is hoping I get it earlier, say by February next year. We shall see.
Other news is that Elise is finally walking everywhere on her own instead of walking while holding onto furniture and the walls. She really started doing it 3 days ago just by walking in circles around the lounge room, and now she is confident enough to walk everywhere but can only walk for short stretches before she needs to have a rest.
She has also learned 2 new words - Cool and Uh-Oh, she is having some trouble pronouncing them properly and getting the right pitch but considering she will be 18 months old on the 30th and was only saying "Mum-mum", "Dad-dad", "Nan-nan", "Bub-bub", "Bot-Bot" and "Pretty" before now it is about time she learnt a new word.
Me, I am feeling a bit better emotionally today, although I am very tired and just want to sleep a lot which I can't do right now. I did manage to have a mostly undisturbed shower this morning by putting the bouncer in the bathroom and having Emily in it where she could see me and putting a "My Little Pony" DVD on for Jaycen and Elise.
Jaycen is in love with My Little Pony at the moment, although I am getting tired of hearing "I want the ponies on again! turn the ponies on again!" every time the DVD finishes, that and the DVD gets extremely boring after 100 repetitions lol
I have purchased 9 new My Little Pony DVDs off eBay, so hopefully they will arrive this coming week and we can watch something new. I am revisiting my childhood with 5 of these DVDs, 4 of which are the original My Little Pony Tales episodes in DVD form (from the 1990's), 4 are the generation 3-3.5 style DVDs (2000's) and 1 is the original movie. I hope the kids like them as much as they like the current "Twinkle Wish Adventure" DVD.
Well that is it for now, I have to go and start getting some things ready for dinner tonight - Squid Tubes stuffed with CousCous with a Chilli-Lime yoghurt dressing, Yummo!
Until next time,
Jen - xoxo
Thursday, 20 September 2012
My Bad Luck With Technology
I seem to be having some really horrendous bad luck with technology lately - first my HTC Incredible S smartphone died (the adaptor that you put the USB cable into failed first and then the battery went), second my laptop got a virus that will let it start up but won't let me log in to it (all our photo's of the kids and places we have been are on it), and third now my phone has gone missing in transit!
You'd think Optus wouldn't lose a mobile phone that they send off to be repaired, but they have. The customer service person that we spoke to on the phone then had the gall to tell us that they weren't liable and legally didn't have to replace the phone, which is a complete crock of shit! By LAW they are required to replace any item that is lost while in their care, just as any other company is required to do if things in their care go missing.
So I am still without my phone and relying on a 7yr old dodgy Samsung flip phone with no internet access that is unable to send, receive or take photo's, in order to stay in contact with people. And wasting my 2.38gig of download data that I still have in credit which is due to expire on September 26th, which also marks a full month since my phone died and was sent off to be repaired.
I really don't know how I managed without my smartphone before I purchased it in early September last year, it has been so difficult the last 3.5 weeks without it. I am cut off from my online support network on Facebook (I can't use Facebook on my husband's laptop, I can only browse ebay and google and update this blog), I am also unable to take pictures of the kids, our life, friends or even our pets - the Dog and the Rats & Mice.
My own mum who lives interstate and has only seen the kids a few times in person (She still hasn't met Emily yet) can't even see updated photo's of them as they grow which is the worst thing of all, she has missed out on seeing almost a whole month of their lives that I could have uploaded onto Facebook for her if my phone hadn't of died and hadn't gone missing.
To add to this my period turned up yesterday, I feel cheated as I am breastfeeding and it still turned up, I was hoping it wouldn't show up for at least 6 months, and it's yet another reminder that I won't be having more kids. I'll have another 20+ years of getting it pretty much every month, of having the cramps and horrible pain, as I refuse to have a hysterectomy, until I go through menopause. What fun, NOT!
Yes I know this is another vent/down post, so I'll bring it up with something happier - my driving lessons.
So far I have 3 hours and 20 minutes of driving experience under my belt, only another 116 hours and 40 minutes of driving time left to go before I will feel comfortable and positive enough to go for my Probationary License and get my P-plates.
On wednesday I did 36 minutes of driving, did a few laps around one of the local football ovals and then drove the few blocks (including going around a round-a-bout) to home. The only down thing about Wednesday's lesson was when I was practicing my parking I hit the metal fence that surrounds the football field. It brought on a bloody migraine, so I'm not feeling 100% at the moment.
Yesterday I had my 3rd driving lesson and drove from Clarke's Road in Hazelwood North all the way up to Jeeralang Junction and then into Churchill and then all the way back home, I even got up to 100km/h but had one brief scare where I didn't pay attention to the road properly and started veer into another lane by accident, I could have caused a car accident which scared the crap out of me, at least this time I didn't have a panic attack. I missed our driveway though when we got home and ended up half on the road half on the nature strip just past our driveway, so that wasn't very good. Last night I had my 4th driving lesson, a very short one going from home to Mid Valley Shopping Center to get some things and then from Mid Valley back to home, this time I made it into the driveway! Such a relief.
Matt wants me to go for another drive today, but if the strong winds keep up then I won't feel comfortable going for a drive today, I don't feel ready for that yet as I have enough trouble staying in one lane when there isn't any wind and if I have to fight the wind while driving as well then I will be more likely to have an accident now than I will be in a few weeks when I have more experience and confidence in driving.
I mentioned our pets further up this post so I will tell you about them now. We have a dog named Libby, a Rottweiler, who will be 11 in February, and pet Rats and Mice that I breed. I sell the mice as pets because I can guarantee their health and I am working on their friendliness, but I don't sell any of the rats as I am working on the health and friendliness of their lines. We have a lot of issues down here in the Latrobe Valley with the health of rodents who live outside so I am undertaking a long term project to improve their health as they do live outside.
I have 9 adult mice and currently have 9 baby mice, in a variety of colours (Siamese, Blue, Chocolate, Brindle, Black and White) although the babies are all Manx and one of the males is a Manx.
I have 15 adult rats, 8 females and 7 males, in Black Hooded, Black Berkshire, Black Varigated Berkshie, Agouti, Mink Capped, Champagne Hooded and Blue Hooded with Standard and Rex coats, and I currently have 9 baby Rats in Black Hooded, Champagne Hooded, Dalmation and Black Eyed White with Rex coats.
So those are our pets :)
We are also currently working on our vegetable garden, we have Sage and Rosemary bushes growing which have been in their for 3 years now and are doing great, when we first started it we grew Blueberries in a pot, Strawberries, lettuce and snow peas which did really well, the snow peas kept on producing for 5 months before they finally died off, we must have got about 8kg of snow peas off the vines during that time and they were so delicious!
The 2nd year we didn't plant anything as we just didn't have the time, we just moved the Strawberry to a pot to stop Jaycen from eating them lol, and still had the blueberries in a pot, we got around 100 blueberries from the one plant.
Last year we grew Garlic, Onions (which failed and never grew to more than 1.5cm in size), Zucchini, Lettuce (from the previous years lettuce which we had let go to seed), Cherry Tomato's (which were so yummy!) and Strawberries (which we moved to the front of the house because Jaycen still kept on eating them lol), and the blueberries still grew but we only got around 20 as it was a really hot summer.
This year we will be growing our strawberries again, the blueberry bush must have around 200 flowers on it this year so hopefully we get that many from it, I will be planting lettuce again along with Snow Peas, Sugar Snap Peas and Cherry Tomato's, and I'm hoping to plant some cucumber and zucchini again, and possibly carrots, Broccoli, Caulliflower and beans, and if Matt will let me some Pumpkins as well.
It is something to look forward to anyway, Matt has nearly finished digging up and removing the cooch grass from the veggie patch and once he has finished he will be mixing blood and bone fertilizer through the soil (it's pretty good soil anyway but water comes down from the roof of the rat shed into the veggie patch and a lot of the good nutrients end up being washed away when we have big downpours in winter and spring so we like to prepare the soil first before we plant anything in spring and then top up with liquid fertilizer every month or so while things are growing).
Well that is it for this entry, until next time.
Jenna - xoxo
You'd think Optus wouldn't lose a mobile phone that they send off to be repaired, but they have. The customer service person that we spoke to on the phone then had the gall to tell us that they weren't liable and legally didn't have to replace the phone, which is a complete crock of shit! By LAW they are required to replace any item that is lost while in their care, just as any other company is required to do if things in their care go missing.
So I am still without my phone and relying on a 7yr old dodgy Samsung flip phone with no internet access that is unable to send, receive or take photo's, in order to stay in contact with people. And wasting my 2.38gig of download data that I still have in credit which is due to expire on September 26th, which also marks a full month since my phone died and was sent off to be repaired.
I really don't know how I managed without my smartphone before I purchased it in early September last year, it has been so difficult the last 3.5 weeks without it. I am cut off from my online support network on Facebook (I can't use Facebook on my husband's laptop, I can only browse ebay and google and update this blog), I am also unable to take pictures of the kids, our life, friends or even our pets - the Dog and the Rats & Mice.
My own mum who lives interstate and has only seen the kids a few times in person (She still hasn't met Emily yet) can't even see updated photo's of them as they grow which is the worst thing of all, she has missed out on seeing almost a whole month of their lives that I could have uploaded onto Facebook for her if my phone hadn't of died and hadn't gone missing.
To add to this my period turned up yesterday, I feel cheated as I am breastfeeding and it still turned up, I was hoping it wouldn't show up for at least 6 months, and it's yet another reminder that I won't be having more kids. I'll have another 20+ years of getting it pretty much every month, of having the cramps and horrible pain, as I refuse to have a hysterectomy, until I go through menopause. What fun, NOT!
Yes I know this is another vent/down post, so I'll bring it up with something happier - my driving lessons.
So far I have 3 hours and 20 minutes of driving experience under my belt, only another 116 hours and 40 minutes of driving time left to go before I will feel comfortable and positive enough to go for my Probationary License and get my P-plates.
On wednesday I did 36 minutes of driving, did a few laps around one of the local football ovals and then drove the few blocks (including going around a round-a-bout) to home. The only down thing about Wednesday's lesson was when I was practicing my parking I hit the metal fence that surrounds the football field. It brought on a bloody migraine, so I'm not feeling 100% at the moment.
Yesterday I had my 3rd driving lesson and drove from Clarke's Road in Hazelwood North all the way up to Jeeralang Junction and then into Churchill and then all the way back home, I even got up to 100km/h but had one brief scare where I didn't pay attention to the road properly and started veer into another lane by accident, I could have caused a car accident which scared the crap out of me, at least this time I didn't have a panic attack. I missed our driveway though when we got home and ended up half on the road half on the nature strip just past our driveway, so that wasn't very good. Last night I had my 4th driving lesson, a very short one going from home to Mid Valley Shopping Center to get some things and then from Mid Valley back to home, this time I made it into the driveway! Such a relief.
Matt wants me to go for another drive today, but if the strong winds keep up then I won't feel comfortable going for a drive today, I don't feel ready for that yet as I have enough trouble staying in one lane when there isn't any wind and if I have to fight the wind while driving as well then I will be more likely to have an accident now than I will be in a few weeks when I have more experience and confidence in driving.
I mentioned our pets further up this post so I will tell you about them now. We have a dog named Libby, a Rottweiler, who will be 11 in February, and pet Rats and Mice that I breed. I sell the mice as pets because I can guarantee their health and I am working on their friendliness, but I don't sell any of the rats as I am working on the health and friendliness of their lines. We have a lot of issues down here in the Latrobe Valley with the health of rodents who live outside so I am undertaking a long term project to improve their health as they do live outside.
I have 9 adult mice and currently have 9 baby mice, in a variety of colours (Siamese, Blue, Chocolate, Brindle, Black and White) although the babies are all Manx and one of the males is a Manx.
I have 15 adult rats, 8 females and 7 males, in Black Hooded, Black Berkshire, Black Varigated Berkshie, Agouti, Mink Capped, Champagne Hooded and Blue Hooded with Standard and Rex coats, and I currently have 9 baby Rats in Black Hooded, Champagne Hooded, Dalmation and Black Eyed White with Rex coats.
So those are our pets :)
We are also currently working on our vegetable garden, we have Sage and Rosemary bushes growing which have been in their for 3 years now and are doing great, when we first started it we grew Blueberries in a pot, Strawberries, lettuce and snow peas which did really well, the snow peas kept on producing for 5 months before they finally died off, we must have got about 8kg of snow peas off the vines during that time and they were so delicious!
The 2nd year we didn't plant anything as we just didn't have the time, we just moved the Strawberry to a pot to stop Jaycen from eating them lol, and still had the blueberries in a pot, we got around 100 blueberries from the one plant.
Last year we grew Garlic, Onions (which failed and never grew to more than 1.5cm in size), Zucchini, Lettuce (from the previous years lettuce which we had let go to seed), Cherry Tomato's (which were so yummy!) and Strawberries (which we moved to the front of the house because Jaycen still kept on eating them lol), and the blueberries still grew but we only got around 20 as it was a really hot summer.
This year we will be growing our strawberries again, the blueberry bush must have around 200 flowers on it this year so hopefully we get that many from it, I will be planting lettuce again along with Snow Peas, Sugar Snap Peas and Cherry Tomato's, and I'm hoping to plant some cucumber and zucchini again, and possibly carrots, Broccoli, Caulliflower and beans, and if Matt will let me some Pumpkins as well.
It is something to look forward to anyway, Matt has nearly finished digging up and removing the cooch grass from the veggie patch and once he has finished he will be mixing blood and bone fertilizer through the soil (it's pretty good soil anyway but water comes down from the roof of the rat shed into the veggie patch and a lot of the good nutrients end up being washed away when we have big downpours in winter and spring so we like to prepare the soil first before we plant anything in spring and then top up with liquid fertilizer every month or so while things are growing).
Well that is it for this entry, until next time.
Jenna - xoxo
Tuesday, 18 September 2012
Dreams and Wishes
I'm sitting here typing this, and glancing over at Emily as she plays and babbles in her bouncer, I'm so happy to have her here, safe and healthy after all the fear and the scares while I was pregnant with her, but so bloody sad as well, not for any particular reason, just a general sadness that doesn't seem to want to go away. It pervades my moods all day, making a happy time duller, and a sad time even more sad.
I don't know if it's just related to the month of September and all the sad things that I relate to this month (I wasn't feeling too bad before now and was starting to feel a bit happier with life in August), or if something else is at work.
September is the month my first Angel, Tomas, was due to be born. September 5th 2005 was his estimated due date, and this January will mark 8 years since I lost him.
I often wonder about if only everything had gone to plan, if only he hadn't had the problems that he had, if only I hadn't terminated the pregnancy due to fear and the lack of willpower to just say NO, then maybe I'd have a 7 year old son now. But if he had been healthy and I had given birth to him I might not have ever met my husband in November 2007, I wouldn't have given birth to Jaycen on December 2008, or Elise in 2011, and I most definitely wouldn't have given birth to Emily just 10 weeks ago.
It's a bitter-sweet thinking about the "what ifs", and what could have been.
I have been having a lot of bad dreams lately, involving c-sections, dead babies and hysterectomies.
I have no idea what they mean but they are scary and when I wake up I'm either dripping in sweat or crying.
I hate this feeling of knowing that this is the end of my childbearing years. I'm only 25, Matt is only 30, yet because he had a vasectomy when I was 20 weeks pregnant with Emily we won't be having any more children. I won't lie, it hurts, bad. It kills me inside that I won't get to have the big family with 6+ kids that I've wanted to have since I was 10 years old. The pain of not being able to acheive yet another of my dreams is one of the things that makes me cry a lot. I look down at my belly, at the loose skin and leftover fat, the saggy bit at the bottom from my c-section with Jaycen that I can do the flip-flop thing like Adam Sandler does in his post-liposuction scene in the movie Click!, knowing that I'll never have the miracle of another baby growing within me, never feel those first little tickles and flutters of a baby moving inside me and later the big kicks, rolls, hickups and elbows in the rips/hips as I got closer to full term. Even though I'll never experience the horrible all day sickness (Hyperremesis Gravidarum) and the other aches and pains, heartburn, back labour and all the other aches and pains as well, I always complained about them while pregnant but I will honestly miss them all. Most of all I will miss that amazing moment when I first pushed my babies out and then when they were first placed into my arms. That first snuggle with a newborn, it's an experience that you can't describe in words, but if you've been through it then you will know exactly what it's like, it's incredible.
I'm a little depressed that I won't be able to experience that ever again. I keep on going over it in my head, which probably isn't a good idea, but I just can't move on from this and get over it/ I want more babies, I can't help how I feel or what I want, I just really want to have more babies, I don't feel finished yet.
Reading back over this blog entry I've realised I'm still writing depressively. I guess that will be the way I write for a while until I can come to terms with the way my life is going and my changed future.
Until next time.
Jenna - xoxo
I don't know if it's just related to the month of September and all the sad things that I relate to this month (I wasn't feeling too bad before now and was starting to feel a bit happier with life in August), or if something else is at work.
September is the month my first Angel, Tomas, was due to be born. September 5th 2005 was his estimated due date, and this January will mark 8 years since I lost him.
I often wonder about if only everything had gone to plan, if only he hadn't had the problems that he had, if only I hadn't terminated the pregnancy due to fear and the lack of willpower to just say NO, then maybe I'd have a 7 year old son now. But if he had been healthy and I had given birth to him I might not have ever met my husband in November 2007, I wouldn't have given birth to Jaycen on December 2008, or Elise in 2011, and I most definitely wouldn't have given birth to Emily just 10 weeks ago.
It's a bitter-sweet thinking about the "what ifs", and what could have been.
I have been having a lot of bad dreams lately, involving c-sections, dead babies and hysterectomies.
I have no idea what they mean but they are scary and when I wake up I'm either dripping in sweat or crying.
I hate this feeling of knowing that this is the end of my childbearing years. I'm only 25, Matt is only 30, yet because he had a vasectomy when I was 20 weeks pregnant with Emily we won't be having any more children. I won't lie, it hurts, bad. It kills me inside that I won't get to have the big family with 6+ kids that I've wanted to have since I was 10 years old. The pain of not being able to acheive yet another of my dreams is one of the things that makes me cry a lot. I look down at my belly, at the loose skin and leftover fat, the saggy bit at the bottom from my c-section with Jaycen that I can do the flip-flop thing like Adam Sandler does in his post-liposuction scene in the movie Click!, knowing that I'll never have the miracle of another baby growing within me, never feel those first little tickles and flutters of a baby moving inside me and later the big kicks, rolls, hickups and elbows in the rips/hips as I got closer to full term. Even though I'll never experience the horrible all day sickness (Hyperremesis Gravidarum) and the other aches and pains, heartburn, back labour and all the other aches and pains as well, I always complained about them while pregnant but I will honestly miss them all. Most of all I will miss that amazing moment when I first pushed my babies out and then when they were first placed into my arms. That first snuggle with a newborn, it's an experience that you can't describe in words, but if you've been through it then you will know exactly what it's like, it's incredible.
I'm a little depressed that I won't be able to experience that ever again. I keep on going over it in my head, which probably isn't a good idea, but I just can't move on from this and get over it/ I want more babies, I can't help how I feel or what I want, I just really want to have more babies, I don't feel finished yet.
Reading back over this blog entry I've realised I'm still writing depressively. I guess that will be the way I write for a while until I can come to terms with the way my life is going and my changed future.
Until next time.
Jenna - xoxo
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